While visiting the canteen for the monthly stock up of groceries, I've noticed various types of shoppers. Look out for them next time you go across.
The bachelor youngster. Clearly stands out among the crowds of married men, gossipy housewives and couples. Self-conscious as hell, tries to operate in tandem with another bachelor from the Mess. Can be found generally buying two soaps, a tube of toothpaste and / or shaving cream and blades. Occasionally tries to buy a packet of RIN detergent powder which he shares with his cabinmate. He can be seen desperately trying to avoid coming face to face with his CO or worse still, his boss's wife. His worst nightmare - buying bed-linen, crockery, lipsticks, haircolour and eye pencils, items his mother or sister has requested.
The Newly Weds - Conspicuous as they stick close together trying to decide what to shop for their new home. The young lady makes a valiant effort at deciding which daal to buy and whether to buy jeera or phenyl, while her newly minted husband holds on to the shopping cart for support. More experienced couples smile indulgently as they pass by. The CO's wife stops by and sizes up the new 'recruit' as both husband and wife stand at attention and try to make PC with her.
The Single Mom - Her husband is away at sea and she is left to fend for herself. Can usually be seen dragging an energetic toddler behind her or propped up in the shopping cart. Tend to operate in groups usually congregating around the toiletteries counter. The shopping cart is usually largely empty and the canteen is a social outing.
The Smart Cookies - They operate in pairs. The husband holds the "place" in the queue, while the wife flits around with the shopping cart. The husband can be seen glancing over his shoulder anxiously as the queue nears the counter while there is no sign of wifey. Wifey invariably has met a pal near the maggi noodles, and is busy catching up on news from Vizag. Husband eventually asks the lady behind him to hold his spot while he rushes off in search of his wife. The lady in the queue meanwhile hopes he'll come back only after she reaches the counter. No such luck, husband followed by wife return quickly. Husband jumps to regain his spot, while wifey negotiates the cart past others. The couple fail to notice several pairs of eyes glaring at them.
Trying Hard To Impress - This type is usually seen in the company of a rich friend or relative. If the friend or rishtedaar is a media personality, so much the better. Husband or wife, whoever is doing the impressing, will be seen taking the celeb on a guided tour of the canteen, explaining that we even have a Cadbury counter and that I buy all my cold-cuts here, here are the corelle tea cups and so on. Can also be found asking the canteen staff, where are the Nike shoes that I had seen last week? Eventually the lady or the gent can be seen rather red-faced at the counter, when the guest decides to buy seven pyrex dishes, eleven bottles of kissan sauce, enough groceries and towels to stock a minor hotel, besides a couple of the biggest suitcases and the canteen clerk pointedly says - "Your guest's credit card cannot be used here, only yours!"
Recently Retired - He has quit, because the Service didn't promote him. And is now back to show all and sundry, how big a job he has landed. Will flip out his new cell phone at least three times while talking to someone he meets and will carry on a serious and animated conversation. In the private sector you are always on call, you see. So what if there's no connectivity in the canteen. Will ask questions like - Who is Chief of Staff now? And then feign surprise - "Don't tell me .... that guy is Chief of Staff!" Shakes head in wonder. "God help you", he says. "Well I'm out of it and I'm off to Manila tomorrow. Thought we'd just catch up with old friends and visit the canteen also". Yeah right! He hasn't mentioned that he's yet to catch up on the sales targets and that he hasn't mustered the courage to shop in Oberoi Mall.
Obviously Buying For Others Variety - The building where they live in Kandivili has just discovered the retired fauji and having made the advances in befriending him or her, the neighbours have handed over their shopping list. Only a few things you see. Can be spotted a mile off buying ten packets of sanitary towels, six packets of 5Kg basmati rice, twelve packets of maggi noodles, two dozen bars of soap, two or three dozen packets of biscuits, at least six of the largest bottles of Coke, five packets of the most expensive machine wash detergent ........The car dicky is stuffed to bursting with stuff.
Check them out next time you visit the canteen. You might even spot me with my two agents playing fetch! What luxury to have the twins run errands while I stand at a vantage point and rattle off the months canteen list.
The bachelor youngster. Clearly stands out among the crowds of married men, gossipy housewives and couples. Self-conscious as hell, tries to operate in tandem with another bachelor from the Mess. Can be found generally buying two soaps, a tube of toothpaste and / or shaving cream and blades. Occasionally tries to buy a packet of RIN detergent powder which he shares with his cabinmate. He can be seen desperately trying to avoid coming face to face with his CO or worse still, his boss's wife. His worst nightmare - buying bed-linen, crockery, lipsticks, haircolour and eye pencils, items his mother or sister has requested.
The Newly Weds - Conspicuous as they stick close together trying to decide what to shop for their new home. The young lady makes a valiant effort at deciding which daal to buy and whether to buy jeera or phenyl, while her newly minted husband holds on to the shopping cart for support. More experienced couples smile indulgently as they pass by. The CO's wife stops by and sizes up the new 'recruit' as both husband and wife stand at attention and try to make PC with her.
The Single Mom - Her husband is away at sea and she is left to fend for herself. Can usually be seen dragging an energetic toddler behind her or propped up in the shopping cart. Tend to operate in groups usually congregating around the toiletteries counter. The shopping cart is usually largely empty and the canteen is a social outing.
The Smart Cookies - They operate in pairs. The husband holds the "place" in the queue, while the wife flits around with the shopping cart. The husband can be seen glancing over his shoulder anxiously as the queue nears the counter while there is no sign of wifey. Wifey invariably has met a pal near the maggi noodles, and is busy catching up on news from Vizag. Husband eventually asks the lady behind him to hold his spot while he rushes off in search of his wife. The lady in the queue meanwhile hopes he'll come back only after she reaches the counter. No such luck, husband followed by wife return quickly. Husband jumps to regain his spot, while wifey negotiates the cart past others. The couple fail to notice several pairs of eyes glaring at them.
Trying Hard To Impress - This type is usually seen in the company of a rich friend or relative. If the friend or rishtedaar is a media personality, so much the better. Husband or wife, whoever is doing the impressing, will be seen taking the celeb on a guided tour of the canteen, explaining that we even have a Cadbury counter and that I buy all my cold-cuts here, here are the corelle tea cups and so on. Can also be found asking the canteen staff, where are the Nike shoes that I had seen last week? Eventually the lady or the gent can be seen rather red-faced at the counter, when the guest decides to buy seven pyrex dishes, eleven bottles of kissan sauce, enough groceries and towels to stock a minor hotel, besides a couple of the biggest suitcases and the canteen clerk pointedly says - "Your guest's credit card cannot be used here, only yours!"
Recently Retired - He has quit, because the Service didn't promote him. And is now back to show all and sundry, how big a job he has landed. Will flip out his new cell phone at least three times while talking to someone he meets and will carry on a serious and animated conversation. In the private sector you are always on call, you see. So what if there's no connectivity in the canteen. Will ask questions like - Who is Chief of Staff now? And then feign surprise - "Don't tell me .... that guy is Chief of Staff!" Shakes head in wonder. "God help you", he says. "Well I'm out of it and I'm off to Manila tomorrow. Thought we'd just catch up with old friends and visit the canteen also". Yeah right! He hasn't mentioned that he's yet to catch up on the sales targets and that he hasn't mustered the courage to shop in Oberoi Mall.
Obviously Buying For Others Variety - The building where they live in Kandivili has just discovered the retired fauji and having made the advances in befriending him or her, the neighbours have handed over their shopping list. Only a few things you see. Can be spotted a mile off buying ten packets of sanitary towels, six packets of 5Kg basmati rice, twelve packets of maggi noodles, two dozen bars of soap, two or three dozen packets of biscuits, at least six of the largest bottles of Coke, five packets of the most expensive machine wash detergent ........The car dicky is stuffed to bursting with stuff.
Check them out next time you visit the canteen. You might even spot me with my two agents playing fetch! What luxury to have the twins run errands while I stand at a vantage point and rattle off the months canteen list.
Hilarious and interesting!!
ReplyDelete